Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
