Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
