I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
