So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
