your room smells of hookers.
And success
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
