i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
