Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
