Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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