Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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