Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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