Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
