Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
