I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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