One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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