when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
