Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
