I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
