I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
