see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
