I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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