don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
