I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
