It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
