halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
