Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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