i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
