Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
