It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
