Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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