Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
