no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
