so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
