so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
