Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
