I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
