Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
