Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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