i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
