I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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