I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
