doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
