chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
