At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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