I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can I color on your dick again?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
