What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have feelings that need drinking.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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