In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
