I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
