oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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