Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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