Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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