it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize