i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
