I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They have beer where we have blood.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
