halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
bring money and cleavage
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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