Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
