the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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