So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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