Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
