I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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