3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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