I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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