ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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