dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
