Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
