so that wasnt chicken after all
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
