We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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