Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Can Purell be used as lube?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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