Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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