Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
