hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
