Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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