The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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