I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
